Acronyms & Emoticons; The Joys and Pitfalls of Living a Modern Life

There are few things in life I love more than abbreviations and acronyms. To quote one of my favorite shows, "Chicks dig scars and acronyms."--Veronica Mars. So true. I realized one night during a riveting episode of Jersey Shore how much I love people using acronyms for no apparent reason and decided to start doing the same in my everyday life. Luckily, my friend Lauren (shout out!) was present during this epiphany and agreed this was a genius idea (that's right, i said it was a 'genius' idea). We immediately set our minds to creating a list, which is now forever stored in the Custom Dictionary settings of my phone for texting purposes. Any phrase I find myself using more than twice daily automatically gets placed on this list of acronyms. Since I know you're curious, here is a portion of the list with expanded versions and the occasional example of proper use:

• AYTVIMC- Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (if you don't understand why this would become a common discussion topic, you clearly haven't read the book and are therefore not friends with me. Your loss on both fronts)
• BBMs- BlackBerry Messenger messages
• CTFD- Calm The Fuck Down
• HFE- Happy Face Emoticon
• ICYW- In Case You Wondered (ex. "We don't have any more Dr. Pepper or Cranberry Juice because I was experimenting with flavoring my own coffee. Not a good idea. ICYW)
• IJS- I'm Just Sayin' (ex. "If this announcer says 'winner, winner, chicken dinner' one more time, Imma cut him. IJS)
• IMHO- In My Honest Opinion
• IRL- In Real Life (This is my personal fave, I use it way too much)
• ITT- Intent To Touch
• JSYK- Just So You Know (similar to ICYW, but you can never have too many acronyms at your disposal)
• LANP- Leggings Are Not Pants
• LATH- Look At That Hipster (really only works when you are texting someone in the same room as you and that's a pretty douchey thing to be doing anyway, so I don't use this one SO often, but it's still relevant in this day and age)
• LSTM- Laughing Silently To Myself (LOL? Out loud? Really? Did you really? I didn't think so)
• NSFW- Not Safe For Work
• SFE- Sad Face Emoticon
• STFU- Shut The Fuck Up
• TLDR- Too Long, Didn't Read
• TWS(H)S- That's What She (He) Said (it takes SO long to type that entire phrase out. I had to shorten it; as much as I say it everyday)
• WFE- Winking Face Emoticon

That's just an ever-changing and constantly growing list of my favorites. The only problem with using (and making up my own) acronyms is the occasional run-in with people who are not hip to the game. I don't mind explaining them once, but after that you're on your own!

I guess since I placed HFE, SFE, and WFE on this list, now would be a good time to talk about my passionate distaste for the use of emoticons. I've made a personal decision to NEVER use an emoticon. They are completely ridiculous. Here's the thing; I can understand an HFE or SFE because these are realistic IRL. People do smile and frown/look down-trodden occasionally. But a WFE? Would you ever wink at me during a person-to-person convo? If your answer to that question is yes, there is no way we would ever be friends. Creepy. People do not wink at each other! Ever. It's not a reasonable representation of a mood or emotion you are feeling, so stop texting it to me! That being said, sometimes an HFE or SFE really is the only way to clarify my mood via text message or BBM. So, to continue avoiding actually using emoticons, I just turned them into acronyms. Genius!

Fist Pump!
Stone